I Learned More About Myself When I Dropped Out of College

13Oct
by Robel Espino

My dad has always wanted to be a police officer, and he always wanted me to be a police officer too. From a young age I internalized his desire and decided that I would go to university, earn a degree in Criminology, and become an FBI agent. I began physical training, and I dug into the complex world of criminal behavior and psychology. I watched documentaries about serial killers and their criminal profilers. I fell in love with the thought of devoting my life to the career that my dad wanted for me.

During my senior year of highschool, I applied and was admitted to CSU, East Bay and I declared my major as a B.S. in Criminal Justice Administration. Almost immediately, I began to fail my prerequisite courses. I failed statistics three times, psychology twice, and sociology once. They were all required for me start my core courses in my chosen major. Then my girlfriend and I found out that we were expecting a daughter. At the time, my girlfriend was a Junior in high school, and I was a sophomore in college with a minimum wage job as a barista.

After a year and a half at university, with a cumulative GPA of 2.4 and a daughter on the way, I decided to drop out of university altogether and start working full-time as a barista. During this time, I learned the most about myself and who I wanted to become.

My consistent academic failures and the shock of becoming a parent resulted in depression. I tried many things to deal with my depression, but nothing helped me as much as reading. I began to read an average of 4 to 5 books every month (that’s about 4 to 5 times higher than the national average). I’d never done that before, so I never realized how much I loved the written word. I understood all the metaphors, allegories, allusions and illusions, structure, genre — it came easily to me and I loved it all. I found something I was truly passionate about.

What did I learn during my three years as a college dropout? I learned that I am one of many young people who have depression and I am still learning to live with it. I also learned that I love to read — fiction, non-fiction, essays, poetry, short stories — it is all captivating and soothing. Finally, I learned that I cannot base my life around the desires my dad (or anyone else) might have for me. Regardless of the purity behind the intention, I cannot succeed unless I am sincerely passionate about the goals I set for myself. I failed my prerequisite courses because I was not passionate about Criminal Justice. In following my passion, I fell in love with literature, re-enrolled at CSU, and am now a university graduate with a degree in English Literature.  

What do you think?

The following two tabs change content below.

Robel Espino

Robel Espino is an education specialist assistant, worked as an after school instructor, and serves as a youth leader in his local church. A first-generation college graduate, Robel attended California State University, East Bay in Hayward, CA, and received a degree in English Literature. Robel is an Oakland native who received k-12 education in the cities of Oakland, San Pablo, and Richmond, CA. He is a husband, and a father of a four-year old.

More Comments